An Open Letter To NARAL

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Warning: Don’t read if you don’t have a sense of humor. This blog post is loaded with lots and lots snarking.

Dear NARAL,

I hope you enjoyed the Super Bowl last night. I know I had a decent time. But I had a lot more fun looking through social media and watching everyone else’s commentary. While browsing through the interwebs, some friends of mine shared this tweet from your Twitter in regards to the Doritos Ultrasound commercial:

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Did we watch the same commercial?

Because from what I’m seeing, it’s a comical commercial about two parents who chose to have a baby, that the baby is coming “any day now,” and that apparently, the baby has a thing for Doritos.

It kind of makes sense that the mom is kind of “uptight” in this commercial cuz, you know, women who are expecting a baby aren’t exactly pictures of perfect serenity. And the clueless Dorito-eating Dad is just part of the comedy. You really wanna make drama out of this?

How is any of this antichoice? Parents get ultrasounds all the time when they’re expecting babies. I mean, it’s like expecting abortion clinics to actually meet standard health codes that also apply to hospitals. What do you think women give birth to? Puppy monkey babies? (That commercial was awful, btw. Maybe you should complain about that.)

But really, I don’t have time for this. All I really want to do now is just laugh. Because I seriously cannot comprehend what is going on in your twisted minds right now.

Have a nice day!

Photo credit: Nogwater via Visual Hunt / CC BY-SA

America, the Wonderland: A Poem

O lovely land with open skies, the land of free and brave.
Where freedom is seen as entitlement and narcissism reigns.
Double standards and double talk replace our laws and news.
It’s harder to make gold from straw than to find unbiased views.
Oh brave new world that has the joys of the big brother nanny state
Where pundits would rather be right than try and actually debate.
Places where people ought to broaden their minds
Have turned into nurseries with safe spaces to hide.
The best protests come from those who act like a child
Screaming and breaking things and acting all ways wild.
They say they are adults with fully developed brains
and yet apply dizzying logic when they can’t get their way.
They’d rather have candy-colored vigilantes
than the boys in blue defending their lives.
As they fly their colors and their shades of grey,
all they really see is black and white.
It’s all “us versus them,” the “tolerance” against the world.
In reality they are spiders treating lesser being like flies,
destroying opposing thoughts with their own violent words.
America is a wonderland, filled with upside-down logic and nonsensical dreams
and each of us is like Alice, trying to make sense of everything.
Be wary of mushrooms that distort our thoughts,
making us feel bigger or smaller than we actually are.
Watch out for the Cheshire Cats and Mad Hatters
who turn logic upside down and party til they drop.
And for goodness sake, stay away from the Queen of Hearts
The divas who like to chop off everyone’s heads
who walk along the corpses of people they stabbed
and stand tall while saying they are victims of fate.
America, America, a wonderland are thee
You think we can hide in those bunkers from the 1950s?