Walking With Ambiguity During Lent


I said at the beginning of the year that my word for 2016 is “Love.” My friend Stef Ofhs said “Love encompasses all things.” Sometimes loving God means accepting the ambiguities of life. That’s part of what it means to go out into the desert.

I am really proud of all the emotional growth I’ve done in the past few years. But there are a lot of things in my life that are still left up in the air. There have been no major exterior changes in my life yet. Instead, my progress has consisted of a lot of small things. I keep losing sight of what’s important because I want so many things.

Recently, I celebrated first Friday Mass. But on the way there, I kept hitting a constant stream of red lights. In spite of the constant stops, I was still able to get to Mass on time.

I think Lent is a lot like that. It’s not a chance to go to extremes in the name of holiness. It’s rather a time to slow down and change the process of life for a little while. For me, I feel like God is calling me to walk by faith, like it says in Second Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 5:6-10

 So we are always courageous, although we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yet we are courageous, and we would rather leave the body and go home to the Lord. Therefore, we aspire to please him, whether we are at home or away. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive recompense, according to what he did in the body, whether good or evil.

I am so used to working towards a tangible goal. It’s easy to have faith when you’re not sure how to get there but you know that you will. Right now,though, God is calling me to trust Him in spite of this ambiguity, to walk by faith with Him, even though I don’t know where I’m gonna go next. I have some goals that I am working towards, but my vocation? Not clear yet.

Which brings me to the question every Catholic gets:

What am I gonna do this Lent?

  1. Take the Heroic Minute Challenge. Arleen Spenceley and Leah Darrow have challenged their readers to get up at 5:30AM every morning. According to the last time I tweeted Leah Darrow, they haven’t stopped.
  2. Limit my internet time. I installed StayFocusd on my Chrome and limited my time spent on certain websites to only one hour a day. I’m not sure how I can use this time-limit on my mobile devices, but keeping myself from being on the computer all day is at least a start.
  3. Read. A Lot. I plan to use my time offline to read more. I’ll be sharing reflections from the Heart of Mary Women’s Fellowship’s Lenten Bible Study here. Also keep an eye out for a series on Catholic Dating Problems and the Theology of the Body. There’s more to come!
  4. Mass Journaling: When I attended Mass last Sunday, I really loved the homily I heard. Unfortunately, all I had to write on was the back of a flyer for the upcoming parish fish fry. I want to learn as much as I can this Lent, to be able to listen to God as much as talk to Him.

I hope that you will join me as I walk by faith this Lent.

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