I have a tendency to worry too much. I overthink and overanalyze pretty much everything. I tend to think the worst of myself. When I went to Cafe Catholica yesterday, I was nervous because Cardinal DiNardo was going to celebrate Mass and give the talk for the week. He draws in a huge crowd and I was going to lead the opening hymn. I should also mention that I had to get there earlier than usual for a last-minute rehearsal. So yeah, I was more nervous than a college student during finals week.
I brought a Mass journal with me and one verse from the first reading particularly stood out to me:
“The LORD himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still.” – Exodus 14:14
The image you see in the header is from the Heart of Mary Women’s Fellowship’s “Art for the Heart,” free wallpaper/phone backgrounds that the site shares every Sunday. The verse comes from 1st Peter, relating to the Bible study that I am writing:
“Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” – 1st Peter 5:7
When I led the opening hymn, I didn’t use the mic because I tend to project (which is theatre talk for “I can be seriously loud.”). It was a good thing I did because I messed up the last chorus a bit, but my voice blended with the choir’s so my mistake went unnoticed.
I didn’t socialize much that night because I was too worried about things that ultimately didn’t matter in the long run. I confided my worries to a few close friends and tried to distract myself with getting stuff instead. (From the desire of spending my entire allowance on Catholic merchandise, deliver me Lord!)
The lecture centered on service, but what resonated with me was the idea of letting Jesus be with me and that it was okay for me to be distracted in prayer.
It wasn’t until I got home and did some major prayer time that I was able to settle my thoughts. Distractions will always be in my life, but spending time with the Lord last night and this morning is helping me to relax.
I also learned recently that I need to value myself more. I’m still learning how to love myself, to be completely honest. To see myself as a child of the one true King and not the girl who didn’t feel good enough. Instead, my hopes for the future rests in two Bible verses.
The first one is 1st John 4:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.
The second one is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the Lord—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.
Til then, I will keep on casting my anxieties onto the Lord and ask him to always abide with me.